“I don’t pay you to think”!

Boss: “In today’s interview, I want you to give some junior questions to this candidate”.

My coworker: “Are you lowering your standard?”

Boss: “No, we are looking for someone who has large room to grow”

“Our business should be simple, because it’s not rocket science”

Boss: “Is there a Linux version of Microsoft Dynamics?”

Boss: “The consultant will be providing us with a document that gives us a 10,000 mile view of the project”

“I rewrote some ugly parts of our software system”. Manager: “Is this kind of cleanup remove job security?”

“The reason why we started this whole new project is because our customers pay us a lot of money and they can’t use the dashboard.” My own comment: I am pretty convinced you invest a whole bunch of money to start a new project rather than fix the dashboard.

“Based on your performance, your salary should be paid by the competition. On the plus side, they’ve offered to double it!”

“I’m clear on how far our competitors are ahead of us. They, of course, have no idea how we stay in business.”

My manager actually Tweeted this “I lower my expectations during performance review season.” What a douche! Check it out: http://bit.ly/feZlmp